Hench!

I was going to write something about the resemblance between Gary Busey and Nick Nolte, and how the two actors are very similar and always play the same rolls except for the fact that Gary Busey has big horse teeth like Mr. Ed, and that Nick Nolte always plays a cop or a basketball coach. If there was ever a feature-length Mr. Ed film, Gary Busey would probably snag the role. He wouldn’t even have to wear a costume. If you know your Mr. Ed, Mr. Ed was always helping people out or playing pranks. For instance, a bus driver would get sick, and Mr. Ed would take over driving the bus. There would be a shot of a hoof on the steering wheel, a hoof on the accelerator, and then a shot of Mr. Ed in a bus driver’s cap, and then someone would pay to get on the bus and would do a crazy Don Knotts double-take.

In the movie I was going to describe, Nick Nolte would play an undercover cop posing as a college basketball coach whose cover story was that he was originally the coach of the Indiana Pacers before drug problems forced him away from the game. The college was more than happy to have him, unaware that he was actually tracking down Mr. Ed for bus theft. The night before the big championship, the Nick Nolte character would get shot by a KGB operative. Mr. Ed (played by Gary Busey) would come to his rescue, and take him to the hospital in the stolen bus.

At the hospital, the Nick Nolte character would give him his tracksuit and say “Mr. Ed, those boys need direction on the court. Direction that only I can give. But I got this goddamn lead in my ticker. I’ll be all right, but those boys will be devastated if there isn’t someone directing them on those fucking pick and rolls against Northern State.”

Donning the tracksuit, Mr. Ed (Gary Busey) gallops to the game and leads the team to a victory. See, but no one will be able to tell that it’s an imposter, because the two of them apart.

Anyway, that was the idea, hatched this weekend whilst driving around upstate New York with my pal Greg Platkin. As I was looking for photographs to postt here, such as this amazing snap of Busey’s sick horse teeth:

A dead ringer for Mr. Ed, right?

Anyway, while poking around for that, I came across a web site that is about 1,000 times funnier than this one, called Busey World. I’m not in the habit of using my crummy blog to post silly links, but rest assured, gentle reader, that this site contains the kind off humor that I’d hoped to deliver to you but was sadly unable. I can’t compete with the wealth of material this guy has compiled. It’s really beyond the pale. So, here you are:

(h t t p colon slash slash buseyworld dot com)

It’s true that you can’t tell Busey and Nolte apart. Here they are, Busey on the left, Nolte on the right:

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