CHUD dog
This is the winner of the annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest, which I believe is held in San Francisco.
Look at this thing! It’s as if the owner went into the old Chinese guy’s shop looking for a gremlin for their kid, but then the shop owner told them that it’s a cash only joint.
“I’ve got three dollars and thirteen . . . eighteen cents. What can I get for that?”
“Ah! Well, I can sell you this fucking abomination. Would your child like this? I use this to scare the gremlins when they get out of hand.”
“But surely gremlins aren’t scared of anything!”
“Well, they know that if they touch this revolting piece of shit they will catch leporsy. Remember to handle it with tongs.”
I mean, I had a cat with three legs and no tail once, and it had chronic pneumonia or something so it was always sneezing long ropes of snot all over my room, and I was allergic to it, but at least it was fuzzy, you know? It still basically looked like a cat, not a cheap effect in an 80’s horror movie about monsters that live in the sewer.
Have you ever seen that movie CHUD? CHUD being an acronym for Cannibalistic Human Underground Dweller? I saw it as a kid and it scared the crap out of me. I rented it recently and was disappointed to see that it was stupid and didn’t make any sense, but it’s scary if you’re a kid. I don’t recommend renting it. Well, anyway, the eponymous CHUDs used to be homeless people who were exposed to nuclear waste, which made them look like this:
I’ll bet you that dog was this thing’s pet.
Now, the CHUDs look pretty fucking stupid, but they’re not real. They aren’t going to come out of manhole covers and get you. That dog, however, is still out walking around, scaring the living crap out of people.
July 13th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
That is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. And it’s everywhere now, usually in the very corner of my vision.
July 19th, 2005 at 6:10 am
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Rick. How would you like to be named World’s Ugliest Egg? I’m sure that dog would be prettier than you. That dog is old, and the kind of dog he is, is inherantly..ugly. They’re this weird form of hairless chinese dog I think. My mom’s friends, a lesbian couple, have this kind of dog and he came over to our house once. Hairless as a baby pig, but with those tufts of fuzz. His name is Sid, and when he’s sad, he turns away, looks back, and a real tear drop rolls out of his eye. I could have informed my case by doing two seconds of research on google to find out what kind of dog this is, but I didn’t, so you’ll have to trust me. I wouldn’t be surprised if this type of dog wins ‘ugliest’ every year. Big fuckin deal. And I’ve heard about CHUD a million frikkin times. It’s like the worlds most heard-of underground movie. I hate you.
Jake
PS I went to california over the weekend with my family and my wife’s family. It was neat. The holiday was plagued with sickness.
PPS Sorry about the ‘I hate you’ comment. I didn’t mean that. You have a good blog, and it’s funny. I’ll talk to you later today probably.